Yikes, Grandma’s Coming
Yikes! Grandma is coming to live with us. Now what do we do?
multigenerational households may be an increasing trend, they can enjoy opportunities many families will never have if potential problems can be headed off before they happen. Keep in mind that Grandma is probably thinking: I don’t want to be a burdon to my children. I still want to be independent, but I can’t afford to be on my own any more. How will I ever fit into their active family?
First of all, talk together and identify potential rough points.
`Identify “personal space” for each person or age group. Even if Grandma has only a corner of the family room to call her own or a teen-ager has his own room or Dad can have cave-time in his basement workshop. Each must respect the other’s personal space and wait to be invited in.
`Perhaps Grandma can help out with latch-key school aged children, but not be expected to babysit all of the time.
`Be realistic about how much the grandchildren can participate in elder care based on how much or little Grandma wants/needs and the willingness and competency of the grandchildren to meet her needs. It is also important to acknowledge that Mom can’t possibly be every thing to everyone in the family.
`Discuss how kitchen duties and other household chores can be shared. Sometimes a chart can help organize large families and reduce the “I did that yesterday. It’s your turn. Types of flare-ups.
`A calendar with large squares is a great way to keep track of youngster’s play dates, teen-agers sports events, parents date night, and everyone’s doctor’s appointments. When drivers are in short supply, it is important to be very organized.
`Sticking to a basic schedule as much as possible, such as bedtime/quiet time, meal time, and time to visit with friends will enable everyone to get the needed rest, nutrition, and energy to be up to life’s challenges.
`Don’t be too proud to call in professional care-givers if you all are getting over-whelmed.
Multi-generational families have a real opportunity to share and learn from each other, bond, and creat wonderful memories together.
`Set up a card table or special spot to put out a 5000 piece jig-saw puzzle for everyone to work on whenever they have a few minutes. Lots of non-confrountational conversation happens as the puzzle unfolds.
~Research your family tree and put it together with anecdotes and photos. The youngsters can show-off their cyber-surfing skills.
`Bake holiday cookies together using old family recipes mixed in with favorites that will become your new tradition.
`Tell family stories, maybe tape them or jot them down in a scrapbook.
A multi-generational family under one roof certainly isn’t the end of the world. In fact, our country grew great and strong when the nuclear family was strong. I suspect a lot of it is in your attitude. It will work, if you want it to work out well.